Won't Say I'm In Love
by Group Hugs For Everyone
Summary: This is UnderLand, and not NeverLand. Here, she must grow up.//angst filled one-shot. Alice/Hatter, set several years after the movie.


_**A/N:**__ Angst, angst, angst. Isn't it loverly? Just a small character-study.  
__**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton's version or Lewis Carroll's. I do not own Rabbit Heart by Florence and The Machine, either.  
__**Warning: **__Refer to A/N.  
__**Pairing:**__ Alice/Hatter, slight Chessur/Mallymkun._

* * *

_Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl  
Frozen in the headlights  
It seems I've made the final sacrifice_

* * *

There is no such thing as NeverLand, a place where children never grow up. Or, if there is, we have not found it yet. Sometimes, Alice wishes they had.

She stumbled, tucking a wayward lock of hair behind her ear, and pulled herself through the door. She sighs softly, taking a bite from the cake in her hand, letting her eyes close as she felt herself grow and stretch. She leans against the closed door, groaning, and doesn't bother opening her eyes.

"You're back," a voice murmurs so softly, lightly, that she could've just imagined it. But, no, she would know such a voice anywhere. A gentle, nostalgic smile spreads across her lips, and she opens her eyes to gaze fondly at the man in front of her.

"Tarrant." No other words escape her lips, for no other words need to. Hatter smiles, showing a sliver of his teeth and that charming little gap between his front teeth, and takes off his hat to place it on Alice's.

"You haven't been here in years, Alice. You haven't forgotten me, have you?" He jokes lightly, but Alice alone could tell the glimmer of hurt in those odd green eyes.

"Of course not," Alice is quick to reassure him. "I've been busy, with my father's company, but I never forgot you. I could never forget you or any of my ventures here."

"It's been so long," he murmurs, a sliver of familiar darkness spreading his face. "So long, I thought you forgot me. Forgot us all; never to come back. I haven't danced since you left, you know. It's not same without you, it never has been. Ever since you came that one time, brought so much light, there hasn't been enough sunshine."

"Tarrant," Alice murmurs quickly, a light shade of pink creeping up her neck. "I'm sorry."

Hatter blinks, pulling back slightly, and suddenly smiles brightly. "No matter, you're here now. The White Queen is waiting to see you, and you wouldn't imagine the talk going on about your return! Oh, how they've missed you!"

He extends his arm, and Alice smiles as she loops her arm with his. They are silent for awhile before Alice chances her own voice. "Tarrant?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Why did you come to escort me, alone?"

Hatter pauses, looking over slightly, before redirecting his attention to the path in front of them. "I haven't the slightest."

And Alice takes that. Because this is UnderLand, and not NeverLand. Here, she must grow up.

* * *

"Alice!" The White Queen smiles, clasping her hands together daintily and tilting her head. She extends a hand, twirling it around in a 'spin-around-so-I-can-look-at-you' motion. Alice gives a smile, curtsying in her black and white dress, and does as requested. "Oh, don't you look splendid! You've grown so well since I saw you last."

"Thank you, White Queen." She murmurs, grinning even wider when the White Queen laughs and waves a hand in a dismissing motion.

"Alice, how many more times must I request you call me Mirana before you do?"

"At least twice more," Alice smiles, winking, as two little creatures bound to her. One white, one gray. The gray one latches to her leg with a cry of "you're late!", whilst the other brushes its waistcoat and rolls its eyes. "Hello, Thackery, Nivens."

The White Rabbit pulls himself up, nodding. "It's good to see you again, Alice."

"Tea, we must have tea-a-a-a!" The March Hare cries a little too loudly, bounding off to get his tea, as Alice and those in the near vicinity wince slightly.

"I never had the nerve to ask what is actually in that tea," Alice murmurs to Hatter, who giggles quite madly.

"Neither have I!"

Alice smiles but does not reply as two chubby little boys bound up to her and start tugging her in two different directions.

* * *

Bayard sits beside her, his head resting against the comforter, and sighs deeply. "You'll leave soon, won't you?"

Alice looks up from her book, a sad look passing her features. "I can't stay very long, Bayard, I must leave."

"You always must leave."

Alice shakes her head softly. "Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I don't have responsibilities."

"You have them here as well."

Alice shakes her head again, closing her eyes painfully. "Please, Bayard, do not confuse me. I cannot take it."

"I only try to bring clarity, Alice, not confusion." Bayard stands up, jumping off the bed and moving away.

* * *

"Oh, come back here, you coward!" The Dormouse cried, raising a tiny paw in a menacing gesture. Alice giggles from her position in the doorway, startling the mouse. "Alice!"

"Who are you talking to, Mallymkun?" Alice smiles, walking into the room.

"Chessur is afraid of a fight."

"The downright cowardice," Alice laughs, kneeling down next to her friend.

Mally rolls her eyes, looking up at Alice. "Men, huh?"

"Oh, we're not as cowardly as some," a voice coos from Alice's left shoulder, and she doesn't have to turn to know the cat as rested his head on the fabric of her dress quite comfortably and is grinning that large, predatory grin of his.

"And what does that mean, Chess?" Mally cries, crossing her arms and glaring.

"Those who once were can be what was before they were."

The Dormouse blinks. "I hate you sometimes."

The laugh echoes the hall long after the Cheshire Cat and Mallymkun is gone, but Alice only stares down at the polished floor and shivers continuously.

* * *

"Who. Are. You?" The blue butterfly asks, the wings fluttering slightly.

Alice sits on the bench, smiling slightly. "Who are you?"

"The question is; who are _you_?"

"Alice Kingsleigh."

"No, you are not," Absolem says, fluttering his wings again.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I always mean. You have changed, Alice, you have changed again."

Alice gets up and walks away, not daring another word.

* * *

"Alice," Hatter smiles softly, walking out on the balcony, hat in hand.

Alice looks up, nodding, before her gaze is drawn back to the full moon with a sigh. "I'm leaving, Tarrant."

Hatter nods, gulping slightly, before making the hesitant request he made every time. "You could stay."

"But I can't. Can't you see? I'm not meant to stay here."

Hatter shakes his head, finally letting his anger slip. "Why do you say that? Don't you see that this has always been your home? Since you were a wee little thing, it has been, and now that you've grown up you deny it!"

"I'm not denying anything!" Alice yells back, whipping around to face the man. "I know this is a home, but that's all it is. _A _home. Not _the_ home. I can't live my life drinking tea and singing songs and dancing silly little dances! I have responsibilities and family out there. I can't just leave that behind!"

"You have family here, too, Alice! You leave us behind for years at a time, can't you see? Don't you know how you're hurting _us_? How you're hurting _me_?" Tarrant's voice breaks slightly, and he looks down. "I love you, Alice. I always have."

Alice closes her eyes tightly, willing away the stinging behind them. "I know."

"Then why do you leave?"

"Because mad people aren't supposed to love," she whispers, turning away. "It always ends tragically. We're already both mad…imagine how that would end."

"Yes," Hatter nods, swaying back and forth slightly as he looks away from her slight form. "Imagine."

* * *

_I must become a lion hearted girl  
Ready for a fight  
Before I make the final sacrifice_


End file.
